DO YOUR DAMN JOB AND BE *HELPFUL*, NOT SELFISH AND ENABLING.

i'm almost positive i must've brought this up before considering it HAS been 10 YEARS, 3 MONTHS, AND 4 DAYS since my grandma died and amanda STILL has NOT helped me get my driver's license back, along with a vehicle I could drive, and she has NOT got me moved to new york (i'd settle for boston or another east coast city) like my grandma used to claim to me EVERY night amanda would do for me when she died. the courage center failed me THREE TIMES during my behind-the-wheel test to get my driver's license again EVERY TIME with the comment "needs more therapy". they're basically admitting they aren't an adequate rehab. facility who takes advantage of people lacking advocacy. i've seen people who can't fucking walk get their driver's licenses from courage kenny.. did THEY tell THEM they needed "more therapy" in order to get their driver's license? NO. BECAUSE THEY HAD THEIR PARENTS TO ADVOCATE FOR THEM. POOR EXCUSE OF AN ADVOCATE IS WHAT I HAVE. i took their advice and PAID for behind-the-wheel driving lessons (i even asked brian to pay for it and after the guy giving me the lessons told me i was absolutely safe to drive- brian claimed he couldn't legally pay for a vehicle for an unlicensed driver)- the guy told me i was absolutely safe to drive independently. courage kenny is just desperate for clients who happen to lack advocacy and they get plus points because i'm optimistic and persistent. they know that- so they're trying to get as much money outta me putting me on useless machines and discouraging me from walking independently because that would mean they'd lose money from a client who lacks advocacy and is driven. i don't know how ANYONE can live with themselves having the knowledge they're discouraging a person from progressing and reaching their true capability JUST so they can appear "supportive" and "caring".. IT'S BEEN TWENTY THREE FUCKING YEARS SINCE I LAST HAD MY DAMN LICENSE. I'M CONTEMPLATING TALKING TO AMY AND GETTING A *NEW* ADVOCATE WHO ACTUALLY FUCKING CARES AND ACTUALLY FUCKING HELPS ME IN LIFE. NOT THIS "YOU GOT THIS!" BULLSHIT. IT'S BEEN 23 FUCKING YEARS- DON'T YOU FUCKING THINK I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD DO WITHIN MY ABILITY TO GET MY DAMN LICENSE AND MOVE TO THE EAST BY NOW?! LAZY AND NEGLIGENT IS WHAT YOU ARE. i'm NEVER going to forgive YOU or my grandma for this shit my whole life. EVERYTHING IS NOT JUST THAT FUCKING EASY FOR ME- I AM A VULNERABLE ADULT FOR THE MILLIONTH FUCKING TIME. the government and public in general DON'T allow me to have the same damn rights as the healthy, normal person. YOU INSINUATE THAT YOU'RE SO FUCKING SMART. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT. even my psychologist was surprised at how naive you are. she asked me a while ago, "has she ever worked with people with brain injuries before?" i said, "no. but she acts like she knows everything- so it doesn't matter." then my psychologist just said quietly, "okay.." i don't wanna overwhelm the person i have in mind to take your place but you're pushing me to ask them. my grandma probably enticed you by saying, "YOU'LL GET MONEY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO HER!" .. i highly doubt that because i made my will and you aren't on it. plus, i'm pretty damn healthy.. just a crazy bitch. you know that but your confidence is probably just in the "crazy" part.. again.. my intelligence is underestimated because according to dr. amanda, a traumatic brain injury makes you stupid.. ever heard of steven hawking? he was thought to be one of the most intelligent physicist but oh!.. HE WAS IN A WHEELCHAIR! i don't know why i'm telling your smart ass any of this.. YOU SHOULD KNOW IT! SINCE YOU'RE SO SMART AND YOU APPARENTLY KNOW THAT WASTING MY TIME BEING UNDERESTIMATED AND KEPT FROM SHOWING WHAT I'M REALLY CAPABLE OF AT COURAGE KENNY IS BEST FOR ME! they took advantage of my lack of advocacy LONG ENOUGH. you're a failure. i can't trust you, so i'm really considering telling amy i want a new advocate. everyone is enabling this neglect and abuse- IT'S NOT FAIR. it pisses me off that I was NOT even DRINKING or driving the car in the car accident i was involved in. proof of that would be how messed up i got in the accident compared to the driver (who is still able to walk and consciously act normal because ALCOHOL PARALYZES YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM IN TRAUMATIC EVENTS- i learned that from when i gave speeches for Mothers Against Drunk Driving for their victim impact panel, so i caught the brunt of the accident). THE DRIVER HAS HAD HIS DAMN DRIVER'S LICENSE BACK FOR AT LEAST 10 YEARS NOW. why's that? HE'S A NEW YORKER WITH A FAMILY THAT ACTUALLY CARES ABOUT HIM. two things i definitely LACK.